You are correct when you say it is all about choice. And, women should not be put down when they choose to work anymore than when they stay at home. You should pick up a copy of the book and read it before you presume what the contents are about. I just posted a "rebuttal" blog (my very first, ever entry). I think a lot of the negative opinions of the book come from sheer misunderstanding about where Darla is coming from. Darla wrote the book for SAHM's because she was tired of the misconceptions that people have about us and how badly a lot of the feminists make us feel because we are choosing family over careers.
Hi Dana Lynn! Welcome here and to the blogosphere!
In retrospect, I should have made it more clear that I haven't read the book and therefore don't have a strong opinion about the book, per se. My point is that I don't understand why so many people think that staying at home means you're anti-feminism. I don't understand why staying at home isn't considered to be a Feminist Choice. You and I might very well be arguing for the same side here.
However, I have issues with statements like "that if at all possible, women should make the choice to stay home." In my mind I believe that if all possible, the family should ensure that their children are being cared for by people who love them, are attentive to them, can nurture them, stimulate them and keep them safe. This could mean that mom stays home, dad stays home, or the child spends their days with Aunt Freda or at daycare. I know some women that wouldn't be able to provide these things for their children if they stayed home. I think that for a mom or a dad to admit that they don't have the patience or the instinct to provide the kind of attention for the child that they can get elsewhere also makes them good parents. Would I rather have a child at home with a parent who hates being at home and then begins to resent the child? Or would I rather have the child in daycare during the day and with a fulfilled parent on evenings and weekends?
I'm staying at home because that works best for our family. But I know full well that what works for us will never work for everyone.
Bleck - I went back and re-read my post, and I realize that my line about reading the book before you make a presumption bit sounds a bit... erg.. harsh?
Anyway, my apologies, because I didn't quite mean it that way. I agree with the part about mom or dad being at home, but I have somewhat of a hiccup on the point that you make about if basically a daycare can provide more patience and attentiveness then that is a better choice... Well, then why do people have children? I understand the need to have a life outside of your children - in fact I took a pt job outside the home just for the stimulation. But I have a hard time understanding the concept of NEEDING to place one's children in daycare just for sanity sake?
This argument could go round and round forever but I guess bottom line is that no matter the choice, we just need to support each other because we are all part of the "parenting family".
I think you made a perfect point. We won't always understand why people pick the choices they do. We may never agree with the choices other people make. But the best thing we _can_ do for each other, is to be supportive because we are all in this together.
4 comments:
You are correct when you say it is all about choice. And, women should not be put down when they choose to work anymore than when they stay at home. You should pick up a copy of the book and read it before you presume what the contents are about. I just posted a "rebuttal" blog (my very first, ever entry). I think a lot of the negative opinions of the book come from sheer misunderstanding about where Darla is coming from. Darla wrote the book for SAHM's because she was tired of the misconceptions that people have about us and how badly a lot of the feminists make us feel because we are choosing family over careers.
Hi Dana Lynn! Welcome here and to the blogosphere!
In retrospect, I should have made it more clear that I haven't read the book and therefore don't have a strong opinion about the book, per se. My point is that I don't understand why so many people think that staying at home means you're anti-feminism. I don't understand why staying at home isn't considered to be a Feminist Choice. You and I might very well be arguing for the same side here.
However, I have issues with statements like "that if at all possible, women should make the choice to stay home." In my mind I believe that if all possible, the family should ensure that their children are being cared for by people who love them, are attentive to them, can nurture them, stimulate them and keep them safe. This could mean that mom stays home, dad stays home, or the child spends their days with Aunt Freda or at daycare. I know some women that wouldn't be able to provide these things for their children if they stayed home. I think that for a mom or a dad to admit that they don't have the patience or the instinct to provide the kind of attention for the child that they can get elsewhere also makes them good parents. Would I rather have a child at home with a parent who hates being at home and then begins to resent the child? Or would I rather have the child in daycare during the day and with a fulfilled parent on evenings and weekends?
I'm staying at home because that works best for our family. But I know full well that what works for us will never work for everyone.
Bleck - I went back and re-read my post, and I realize that my line about reading the book before you make a presumption bit sounds a bit... erg.. harsh?
Anyway, my apologies, because I didn't quite mean it that way. I agree with the part about mom or dad being at home, but I have somewhat of a hiccup on the point that you make about if basically a daycare can provide more patience and attentiveness then that is a better choice... Well, then why do people have children? I understand the need to have a life outside of your children - in fact I took a pt job outside the home just for the stimulation. But I have a hard time understanding the concept of NEEDING to place one's children in daycare just for sanity sake?
This argument could go round and round forever but I guess bottom line is that no matter the choice, we just need to support each other because we are all part of the "parenting family".
No worries. No harm, no foul.
I think you made a perfect point. We won't always understand why people pick the choices they do. We may never agree with the choices other people make. But the best thing we _can_ do for each other, is to be supportive because we are all in this together.
Thanks for this terrific discussion!
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